It Has Been Way Too Long

It has been way too long. It seems like an eternity.

I have gone and made the mistake of scanning my pictures and found yours again…and it brings back those times we had.

Although it was short-lived, it was impacting to say the least.

It has been way too long since I have made you smile. It has been way too long since I have shamelessly flirted. It has been way too long since I have felt your warmth, your love, your security.

It has been way too long since our last, memorable encounter.

At first, I wont lie, I didn’t think much of it. I thought it was just a thing; that you were going to go back to your life and forget about me and remember him. I thought that I was going to come over here and live my life like I should; a life that consists of hookups and work.

But something has changed. Something that you have done has changed me.

And you don’t even realize it.

You don’t realize that when you text me randomly, I burn inside. You don’t realize that when you sent me some of your art, I would read it and I would look at it, for it remindes me of what a great person you are.

You don’t even realize it.

You don’t realize that I am stuck thinking about our time in the future.

The probability.

The potential.

When I go to orientation and meet plenty of worthy “canidates,” all I can think about is what you would think about the dorms or the food or the classes or the seminars.

So what can I do?

How can I deal with this?

How do I go about, as an 18 year old man trying to deal with emotional problems with 2 months until I go to school?

I hope.

I pray.

I dream.

And I hope that my words keep you coming back. I hope that this gift the great Lord has given me keeps you within arm’s reach, or at least close enough where I can lunge at you if needed.

I hope that you don’t forget me. I hope that I don’t just become a “thing.” I hope that you meant what you said. I hope that you find out the things you do to me, without even trying.

Maybe one day.

September 24^th, perhaps?

Friends

Imagine making friendships that have lasted for four years. Through all the good times, and bad times, this person was there for you. Ready to help you encounter whatever happens next. Whenever you simply needed someone to go to lunch with you or you just wanted to go over to his house, you could.

Now wait. Imagine that this same person, who has no reason to hate you, all of a sudden does. You find him chasing you on a beach with his fists clenched ready to swing for the fences.

“Why?” you might ask.

There isn’t a reason.

There is never a reason to throw away four years of great friendship.

Never.

Sure, the others were weak. They were so superficial and so caught up with the “drama scene” that it was almost expected that they would go down at the first chance. But not you. Oh no, we all thought you were different.

And we were all wrong.

So instead of you; instead of your four years of solid friendship, a new, white light has arrived on the scene - someone who I have only become close with recently. He stepped in and filled your shoes. He stopped you from making possibly the biggest mistake of our friendship and made sure you knew that.

Someone I practically JUST MET had to tell you that you were being an idiot and calmed you down.

This occurance really makes me realize how fragile and nearly pointless time is in a friendship. Some say, “I have know him/her for ___ years! He/she is my BEST friend!”

Bull.

Years don’t mean anything. It’s all about content.

Would that person honestly take a punch for you? Would he/she stand up for you when no one else did? Would he/she think rationally in a time of irrationality?

If you’re running through all of your “best” friends and one of these questions is answered with an all-deciding “no,” then that person is not someone that you should be “best” friends with.

I am an example of this.

I thought that years of being friends with someone meant something. I thought that as long as you actually knew the person, you could stick up for them in times of need.

I would have done that. I would have thought rationally in times where people weren’t.

But you couldn’t, you son-of-a-bitch. You have to commit one of the worst crimes in my book.

You had to follow the crowd.

Have fun doing that. You’ll get led nowhere by the naysayers and the fakers.

I’m going to go focus on my life from a different view-point.

Everything doesn’t last. Deception is the world’s super-power.

And it’s not afraid to use it.

So let’s take refuge in those who believe in us and what we stand for. Let’s look at those who look at us with unclouded eyes.

Because if we don’t, we’re going to fall into that same, deadly pattern.

This is a shout out to all my real friends out there.

The Winding Path to College

We’ve all seen it.

The “Kodak” moment following graduation comprised of a cap-and-gown clad student waving a diploma. If you have scanned the “congratulations” greeting cards or random picture frames at your local we-sell-everything store in the past 10 years, you know what I’m talking about.

But what is it that makes this picture evoke such a strong feeling of accomplishment? What is it that encourages the public to buy so many of these cards each year?

The smile.

The smile on the subject’s face tells the whole story. The story of making it through elementary school without getting bullied; the story of journeying through middle school while bodies are changing around you; the story of adventuring through the mystic first two years of high school, and the conclusion of staying motivated through your last two.

The smile tells all.

Including hope for the future.

OK, sure. The student on the card most likely isn’t really graduating at that one point in time. And that same person is probably well out of high school as well.

But when you see a legitimate picture of a graduating student, you will find that there is a lot in the picture. I would say that in 99% of all graduation pictures, the student is beaming a smile.

Not just a regular smile, for in this grin, you can find various emotions. Happiness, bliss, relief, and perhaps concern to name a few.

“But why would be concern be added?” you may ask.

Well, because in these days, nothing is guaranteed.

Sure, we all want to picture a smooth transition from the beginning of senior year to the beginning of freshman year – grab that diploma and get ready to move out a month later. No problems, no regrets.

But, sometimes that is not the case. Numerous obstacles block the way from high school to college.

The biggest of which is money.

Higher education, which used to be reserved for wealthy, upper-class students, can add up to a hefty check. Nowadays, with the raise in demand and the troubling economy in mind, tuition is going up from its already staggering heights. On average, tuition is $6,585 for in-state schools and $25,143 for out-of-state or private schools. Keep in mind that these numbers are for tuition only, and not including the cost of food, books, boarding, and other personal expenses.

I know from personal experience that the out-of-state costs to Washington State University are $33,678, based on an estimated 7% tuition increase from last year. The figure might change when the state legislature sets the budget amounts for the next two years, however. The tuition alone for a non-resident is $18,990 a year, leaving room, board, books, supplies, transportation, and other necessities totaling up to $14, 688.

This isn’t your grandparent’s college anymore.

The government recognizes this struggle for higher education. And, with American schools falling to educational rivals India and China in science and math, they are doing what they can to help the American student achieve a shot at higher education.

Sadly, with the problems our country is having financially, they can only help so much.

A government Pell grant is a type of financial aid that comes directly from the U.S. federal government and doesn’t have to be repaid. The maximum award for the 2008-09 academic year is $4,731. The government plans to up this number to $5,350 next year. Typically, families with an income of less than $20,000 a year receives this award, but, with a new plan proposed by President Barack Obama, families making less than $50,000 a year will also be eligible as well.

Regardless, free money is always a great help. According to www.cliffnotes.com, in the 2005-2006 academic year, 30% of the average yearly cost was covered by the Pell grant.

Sadly, the money being given out is staying at a rather consistent rate, whereas the countries college tuition is rising. According to an article published on www.Tomdispatch.com, the cost of tuition, room, board and other expenses has nearly doubled over the past 30 years. So, the hopeful student is left relying on outside private scholarships and/or the dreaded student loans.  

Many less-income families have had to rely on student loans to get through college throughout the years. First off, nobody likes the idea of a loan when you are 18 years old, working a part time job, and going into a new phase of life. Second off, regardless of the size of the loan, the interest will add up. Interest rates can vary from 6.8 percent for student loans to 8.6 percent for parent “PLUS” loans.

Not something you want to keep adding up. After four years, the loan morphs from an annoying fly into Godzilla.

So for a country that bases its principles and ethics around going to college, they sure do make it hard to do so. If a family finds itself in the financial middle-ground, it is going to be a daunting task trying to graduate college debt free.

Not an impossible task, just daunting. 

Crazy Crazy Life We Live In

As the spring months roll around, it is time for a huge step in all high school Seniors lives. 

It is time to make a final decision on which school he or she will be attending. 

I visited a large array of different schools to figure out which was right for me. UNC-Chapel Hill? No not really. University of Oregon? Yeah I guess I could see my self going there. Gonzaga? I could see my self there with no problem. Washington State University? HECK NO.

I applied to UNC, Oregon, Gonzaga, and WSU (WSU before I visited). As the letters are almost done coming in, I realized something.

That letter means a lot. I mean . . . A LOT.

I got accepted to Oregon only a couple of weeks after I applied. The feeling was euphoric to say the least. I thought that was where I was meant to go. They didn't have the greatest journalism program, nor the best location, but it was the U of O! How could I turn down that kind of prestige. 

After a huge gap of college-break time, I got back on the horse and started looking again for more options. My parents suggested WSU, and told me to apply. So, I did. I had this whole picture about what Pullman, WA was going to be like. I thought that it was the school for me. They have one of the top (if not THE top) journalism programs in the nation. How could I deny that? So, when I visited, I was in for a surprise. I HATED it. Perhaps it was because I just got back from Gonzaga and decided that I loved it there. Anyways, I shut down the idea of me going to WSU. I didn't like it, I loved Gonzaga. Forget the Cougs. 

Then, something happened. One of those light bulb moments. 

I got the acceptance letter to Washington State University. 

Included in the letter was $31,000. 

I was shocked. I couldn't move, couldn't talk, couldn't think of anything but my choices now. How quick priorities change. How quick things that mattered before now become irrelevant. 

I got accepted to the best journalism school in the nation.

And they wanted me to come so bad that they gave me $31 THOUSAND. 

I was stuck for days. I would say something like 10 or 11 days, thinking about my future. I brought out the newspapers that I had from my campus visits. The Daily Evergreen was by far the best. I talked to my Lenior-Rhyne University Professor (I'm a high school enrichment student; I get to go to college every other day and I learn about journalism) and he agreed with me; education, contacts, etc. are the most important things in a college education. 

So here I am, probably a month or so further down the road. I told my parents I wouldn't make a final decision until I heard back from Gonazaga, so I can't send in my deposit just yet.

But, I will be attending Washington State University in the fall. 

Isn't it crazy how fast things can change?

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...a couple weeks late...

Hickory, NC got its first real snow last night. We got three or four inches. 

Woah.

Me being from Washington state, I am very used to snow all the time. When I moved here, I realized that we wouldn't get snow on a regular basis. 

This made me sad. 

There is something about the snow that is . . . I'm not sure. Therapeutic maybe? Watching it puts me in a trance. Walking it in does the same. The world slows down when the snow falls. 

This was a phenomena that I missed dearly. And I didn't realize it until last night. 

I belong on the west coast. That is it. Some would argue that the North East has snow as well. I've been there. Not. All. That. Great.

I need to go back where there is nature and cities. Where the cold is a blistering cold. Where the snow falls in feet. Where the rain is consistent. Where I'm happy. 

I need to go back to Washington. 

With my college decision coming up, all the colleges I applied to and got into are in the Pacific Northwest (WSU, U of O, and Gonzaga).

Where should I go?

Washington State has the education that I need. U of O has the campus and surrounding area. And Gonzaga has the sports and Spokane. 

They all have their pluses. They all have their minuses. 

I suppose I will end up following the snow. I will go to the place that makes the world slow down. That allows me to relax, but have fun as well. 

But for now, I'm going to enjoy the only snow I will see all year. 

Crazy Life

It's truly amazing how crazy life can be.

I know that billions of people have written on this topic. But for me, this changes everything.

As of two weeks ago, I was behind on my studies. I was terribly sick. I couldn't seem to get anything right. I just got over my ex-girlfriend and was working on dating again, which wasn't working. I was pissed often, and rarely happy. 

But something changed. Something flared in my life that turned everything around. I'm not sure what it is, but I'm sure glad that it happened. 

I found my groove. I became myself again after being in such a funk for so long. I was able to catch up on everything, and pull myself together. I found a new favorite band. I had enough time in the day to do everything I wanted. I am dating a girl now, and things are going as they should. 

I think that is the key phrase; things going as they should.

But who is to determine that? Who is to determine how things should go?

I say it's different for everybody. I think that you decide how things should go by feelings and thoughts.

So right now, things are going as they should in life.

When the pitcher of life has consistently thrown me impossible knuckle balls, as well as some harsh curves, I finally got my fastball down the middle and used it to my advantage. I slammed it as hard as I could and it's heading for the grandstands. 

Whether it gets there or not, I'm not sure. Something crazy could happen. The wind could pick up and stop its momentum. The outfielder could jump and make a miraculous catch. 

Anything could happen.

So I'm not trying to get my hopes up to much. I'm trying to take it all slow right now. I'm savoring every flavor in this portion that has been cut for me. 

That is what one has to do. Savor things. Don't jump and think that the whole steak is that same delicious flavor because it very well could be rarer, or colder, or burnt, or contain worms.

I'm sitting back and enjoying this until it runs out. Then it's time to take another bite.

Let me Introduce Myself

You know, blogs get a bad rap. People think that blogs are things on the Internet where people complain all the time about how sucky his or her life is.

Well, I'm not here to complain about life. I'm here to rejoice it. I'm here to give the public if even only a glimpse of the American Teenager. Thoughts, ideas, etc.

First, I'll just give you a general idea of who I am.

I am Branden Andersen, a high school senior in North Carolina. I play lacrosse and football, excelling only in lacrosse. I hold a 3.5 GPA (4.03 weighted) and have been accepted to Washington State University, as well as University of Oregon. I am waiting to hear back from University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill and Gonzaga University. 

I would like to major in communications (with emphasis in Journalism) and become a journalist some day. Yes, it is a dying occupation, but I love to write, and would like to do it some day to bring in the big bucks.

That was a joke. Journalists don't make a whole lot of money.

Like I said earlier, I love lacrosse. The season is coming up in a month or so, and I'm getting really excited about it. I play currently in a winter league, which isn't competitive but still retains some entertainment value. 

I love to write, I love to read, and I love to just be an average kid. School, sports, food, sleep, etc. You get the picture. 

So that is all I can think to write right now, but may post later. I hope to keep up with this blog, and keep you guys posted. 

Until later.

Good night, and good luck. 

(Classic)